


You’re part of a machine

by Toomanyfandoms99



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 04:34:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14371014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toomanyfandoms99/pseuds/Toomanyfandoms99
Summary: Afghanistan changed everything Tony Stark knew to be an indisputable fact and set it ablaze.Tony realized that his life didn’t have to be a black hole of despair anymore.He could help people.He could change.





	You’re part of a machine

**Author's Note:**

> The title was taken from the song “Gasoline” by Halsey. Enjoy!

Anthony Edward Stark learned quickly that he wasn’t like other boys his age.

Other boys his age weren’t sons of a billionaire. Other boys his age weren’t heirs to a seemingly bottomless fortune. Other boys his age didn’t live in a mansion so quiet and large he regularly got lost inside it. Other boys his age weren’t raised by a butler and his kind-hearted wife. Other boys his age didn’t have an mostly-absent mother who — when she bothered to come home — always spent an hour covering up bruises so that he wouldn’t see them. Other boys his age didn’t have an abusive and alcoholic father, a shell of the man he once was, a man who liked to hurt his wife and his only son.

The trauma that he suffered would follow him throughout his entire life.

He wished often that he was never born.

————

Tony lost track of the amount of scars inflicted upon his skin for no apparent reason.

They were products of his father’s rage.

Despite having Jarvis, Jarvis’s wife, and occasionally his mother to care for him, Tony was still victimized.

————

When Tony was put before cameras for the first time — paparazzi attacking him like sharks with especially sharp teeth — he realized something.

He was only seen as the heir to a billionaire’s fortune.

These people didn’t know what his life was like behind the scenes. They didn’t know that a few nights ago, a shard of glass from dear old dad’s whiskey bottle sliced him just above the ear. They didn’t know that Jarvis ran to his rescue like one of those knights he’d read about, stitching him up hastily in one of the mansion's many bathrooms.

And if Tony were to tell them, the sharks would simply flash their teeth and ignore him. He would be dismissed as a silly child with an overactive imagination.

This should have made him feel sad, but Tony had come to accept the consequences of fame.

————

It didn’t take long for Tony to become a mess of a human being.

He drank, he smoked, he took drugs.

And he didn’t feel a damn thing.

————

Tony tried women next, and then men.

He still felt nothing.

And in that, he found true solace.

————

He was fine.

Tony’s organs were a wasteland, but he was fine.

————

Tony got his first real friend when he was a teenager in college.

He realized that Rhodey was his friend when he scraped him off the floor of a party with the most alcohol he’s ever seen in one place.

Tony suddenly didn’t feel so empty anymore.

————

Everyone that Tony cared about died in one fell swoop.

And his father, of course.

But fuck Howard Stark.

His mother was dead. Jarvis was dead.

Now he just had Obadiah Stane and Rhodey.

Two for two.

————

Pepper Potts intrigued him.

Before Tony knew it, his secretary had wormed her way past his defenses.

He added her to the list of people he trusted, bringing up the total to a tentative three.

————

But, of course, Stane had to betray him.

————

Afghanistan changed everything Tony Stark knew to be an indisputable fact and set it ablaze.

Tony realized that his life didn’t have to be a black hole of despair anymore.

He could help people.

He could change.

————

Yinsen’s death started a domino effect.

Tony knew that the final domino would fall when he died.

————

When Stane ripped out his arc reactor heart, Tony had a life-altering realization.

He didn’t want to die anymore.

And he wouldn’t let Stane be his murderer.

Fuck Obadiah Stane. Tony Stark was going to live.

He was going to live.

————

When Tony Stark became Iron Man, he had no idea that this was the beginning of a chain of events that would lead to his demise.

————

Tony got a panic attack on the day he realized that he was in love.

He had never been in love before. And he was in love with Pepper, the woman who refused to give up on him.

It seemed obvious once Tony saw it.

He was a genius, and yet, he didn’t plan for this.

Tony took deep breaths, holding his knees to his chest once he hit the bathroom tile.

In, out. In, he loves Pepper, out. In, Pepper deserves better, out. In, out. In, he’ll change for her, out. In, out.

————

He couldn’t change for her.

————

The Avengers complicated everything.

————

Tony didn’t want friends. He was sick of being betrayed.

So, he distanced himself from his new teammates.

And they were all too complex, with their own issues, to really care about him, anyway.

————

Rhodey, Happy, and Pepper became Tony’s only exceptions to his no friends rule.

But still, Tony will never let his guard down ever again.

————

So much happened over the next few years that Tony could barely keep track of it all.

All he knew was, he was still as broken as ever.

————

Tony promised himself he wouldn’t get close to the Avengers.

But his heart betrayed him.

He didn’t even realize it until Steve was bashing his shield into his chest.

————

Tony decided that enough was enough.

He gathered every bottle of alcohol in each of his houses and poured them all down the drain.

————

Pepper came back to him when she saw how much he had changed.

Tony felt a surge of pride when he noticed that yes, he hadn’t had a drop of alcohol in months, and yes, he felt more in control of his life.

————

Peter Parker gave him a new purpose.

He was going to mentor this kid, this teenage boy with powers, and Tony was going to be better than his father ever was.

————

Every time Peter smiled, Tony would get a warm feeling in his chest.

This kid was so smart, so similar to him, but he was far better than Tony could dream of being.

And if Tony could use his money to help Peter pay for school or allow him the use of his lab, he would do it in a heartbeat.

Maybe he wasn’t so hollow anymore, after all.

————

Tony was glad he proposed to Pepper when he did.

Because shit hit the fan.

————

Tony knew, when he faced Thanos, that the final domino was going to fall.

————

After one final act of heroism, Tony thought about all that he had endured, and — satisfied with his accomplishments — closed his eyes for the final time.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
